Earlier in the week, 19-year-old British diving champion Tom Daley made a YouTube video in which he revealed that he’s in a relationship with "a guy." Several reports have since claimed that the guy in question is Hollywood screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, who, at 39, is 20 years older than Daley, a fact that headline writers worldwide made sure to focus on.
Almost immediately on Twitter, Facebook and elsewhere came the comments. "He could be his father," one gay man tweeted. "Yuk!" That was just the beginning.
A lot to unpack here:
1. Let’s cut the ageist crap. The "yuk" is a display of nothing but disgust for someone older. Yes, Black is old enough to be Daley’s father. But he’s not. If Black were just a couple of years older than Daley, he could be his brother too. But he’s not. Shocking news for you: You’re all going to be old. And your tastes are going to evolve over time. Some younger people are attracted to older people, and vice versa. There’s even a gay website called Daddyhunt. The famed novelist Armistead Maupin’s 27-years-younger husband, Christopher Turner, founded it. They met on another one of Turner’s sites, HotOlderMale.com. If that’s not your thing, it’s totally cool, but in that case just shut your mouth.
2. Deal with your homophobia, including your internalized homophobia if you happen to be gay. There’s an undercurrent in these comments — the "chicken hawk" charge — that suggests that gay men are more likely to sexually abuse underage teens, the ugliest lie about gay men out there. Hardcore homophobes are predictably pointing to Black and Daley as supposed proof. But many gay men too, so defensive about the charge and deathly fearful of how it’s used, overcompensate by saying "yuk." Look, we live in a world where youth and beauty are heralded, and where 77-year-old Bob Dole appeared in a Pepsi ad in which he had the hots for a 19-year-old Britney Spears. We’ve put an age limit on what we can and can’t do because we live in a civil society and abide by the rule of law. And this particular relationship falls well within the limit. So let’s drop this crap too.
